Upsetting The Balance
by Fictionnaire
Summary: What happens when Mulder watches Plan 9 from outer space the 43rd time... Also explains why he disappeared at the beginning of Series 9.


I sat alone in my apartment after I decided to boycott my birthday. There was an excuse I made when I called the Skin-man to tell him I was sick. But subtly dropped hints that I was suffering flashbacks to my abduction and couldn't function properly. What point was there to celebrating birthdays anyway? I'm one year older so what? One year spent on Earth? Wow big reason to celebrate. And I knew that if I went into work today I'd get those happy bloody birthdays. It was a sure thing that Scully would get me a cute card as well. But this year I'm not in the mood for birthday crap.

_Knockknockknock knockityknoc_

Of course someone had to spoil my big plans. I opened the door and allowed Scully to enter my miniscule apartment.

"Happy birthday Mulder." Shit. Scully remembered. She just had a baby not too long ago and she still remembers my birthday. Why can't she be more like regular people and just forget things once in awhile? I thought I was the one with the photographic memory, "I got you something." Scully handed a package.

"Thanks." I said looking at it, it was a hot dog with the lot and had a serve of chips with it. I couldn't help but smile, usually she hated it when I ate this stuff but she was willing to make an exception. We sat down and ate our food and chatted. I'd have to say we even sounded like a normal couple. There were no talks about aliens, UFO's or work at all. This was too perfect.

"I brought a movie to watch." Scully told me.

"What's it called?" I asked, let's just say our movie tastes were very different.

"I was looking around Walmart and came across this movie." Scully said, "I immediately thought of you." She smiled a warm smile, "They say it's the worst movie ever made."

Oh God. Don't tell me she brought Plan 9 From Outer Space, "You didn't."

"There it is." Scully held up the cover.

* * *

I offered Scully a beer and they sat down after putting Plan 9 From Outer Space on the TV, "You know this would be the forty-third time I've watched this movie." I told her. I hadn't watched this in a couple of years.

The badly acted scenes, the cheap sets and the piss weak special effects made this movie the laughing stock of the film. But even all these years later people are still buying this movie and watch it. Damn, Edwood D Wood JR was a genius.

"What?" Scully said, "Why are you grinning?"

I hadn't realized I was, "You know this movie almost got stuck in storage." Scully gave me a blank look, "Well the director couldn't get his movie out of stock because he couldn't afford it."

"I wonder what he spent his money on then." Scully wondered, "It sure wasn't the special effects."

I laughed at this, "One other thing that you'd like… This movie was funded by a church group." Scully stared at me as if I had just said Elvis moved in next door, "It's true. Also, Edwood had to change the title to Plan 9 From Outer Space because the church wouldn't allow him to use the words Graverobbers of Aliens."

"You're making that up." Scully accused me. We were now holding each other on the couch in the most natural way. That was when I realized I wanted to spend every night with her. It couldn't be any other way.

* * *

Scully went home soon after the movie. But as soon as she left, I started to get that odd feeling. I wasn't alone anymore, I could sense it. Then it really dawned on me, it hit me all at once. The number forty three.

"Is this Mister Hoespype?" I rung the landlord, "This is Fox Mulder… I rent number forty two."

"What's the problem Mister Mulder?" Hoespype asked.

"Would it be possible to rent number forty three?" I asked.

"No!" Hoespype hung up.

He sure wasn't accommodating to me that was for sure, "Eway avehay oohyay ownay. Omecay oxFay." A horrible voice screamed at me. I don't know what it was saying. But it was scaring me. I wanted to run where was I to go? To Scully's place, she'd protect me from this force.

"What do you want?" I cried out to the voice.

"Oohyay avehay atchedway anPlay 9 omFray uterOay aceSpay oremay anthay ortyfay otway imestay." The voice said in a huge booming voice.

"What?" I asked, "No speakie the alienese."

I didn't hang around for a translation either. I ran out the door and drove to Scully's apartment. It didn't matter what speed the car was doing, the cops couldn't catch me anyway.

* * *

I knocked on Scully's door as well as looked down the passageways. Nothing was coming, no voices. Scully opened her door.

"There's something in my apartment Scully." I said.

"Ye-es?" Scully said, she wanted me to explain everything.

"I think they're coming back for me." I told her, I don't know.

"Come in." She said clearly annoyed with me, "I'd get you some warm milk." Did she think I was having a nightmare?"

"I heard a voice. It spoke to me in some weird alien dialect." I told her, "It was scary. Help me."

Scully seemed to take a long time in the kitchen. Actually it was almost as if time stopped, "It's imetay oohtay ohgay ownay." That horrible voice said again.

"What are you saying?" I screamed, "I can't understand you." It makes me wish for those stupid telepathic little grey aliens.

"Jesus Christ Mulder." The booming voice said, "I thought you had a high IQ and you don't even know pig Latin. Man, humans are so dumb." The voice had the nerve to insult me, "By article 83517 – 13 paragraph B under the intergalactic law passed down by the intergalactic council formed in 15 AD it states that if any human being should break this law by throwing out the answer to the universe by one, by watching Plan 9 From Outer Space in excess of 42 times should be severely punished."

"But?" I protested, this was ridiculous, "It wasn't my fault."

Scully found me crying in the fetal position when she came back from getting the milk. Oh man, I was so scared. This is why I don't celebrate my birthday.

"Mulder?" She tapped my shoulder, "What's wrong?"

"You made me watch plan 9 and now they're going to take me away." I told her, "Thanks a lot."

"It's alright." Scully said, "They won't come back it's just a nightmare."

"No… This alien who speaks pig Latin and quotes intergalactic law told me." I felt like crying. I was just getting my life back on track, "Thanks a lot Scully."

There was a knock on the door and Scully went to answer it.

"Don't let them in." I told her, "They're coming to take me… No!"

But it was too late… Scully opened the door and in walked John Doggett. God, give me the aliens any day, anything but John Doggett.

"What's wrong with him?" I saw Doggett look at me, I was still lying in the fetal position on the floor.

"He's having flashbacks." Scully said.

Doggett winced, "We'll get him into bed." They carried me into the bedroom. Apparently Doggett knew all about flashbacks. I heard them talk loudly as I fell asleep.

* * *

A sleep on Scully's warm bed must have been exactly what I needed. Maybe the night before was a total dream… Some sort of flashback to my previous abduction. After all there was nothing wrong with seeing a movie 43 times. Scully was on the bed next to me sleeping soundly.

The nice hot shower was heaven. But suddenly, there was a bright light filled the bathroom giving the room an almost black and white feel to it. I've seen this before… They were coming to abduct me and there was nothing I could do… I was frozen. The shower curtains swung open.

"Goodevening." The little fat alien said.

I screamed and screamed my lungs out but nobody could hear me.

THE END


End file.
